In our last post, we talked about passion vs. purpose and how oftentimes our true purpose can at first seem inconvenient. That’s because a true purpose often requires discomfort (pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone) and maybe even sacrifice (salary, title, ego, etc.). However, we need to face these uncomfortable things in order to find something that will bring joy to ourselves and others in the long run.
It’s important to note that this push and pull of comfort vs. discomfort as we pursue our true purpose is largely due in part to the fact that, as humans, we’re simply not that great at assessing costs vs. benefits as they relate to our emotional lives. This can lead to us settling for something that isn’t serving us, when we should be forging ahead into greatness.
Why Do We Betray Ourselves?
Betrayal comes in many forms. When it comes to betraying ourselves, it may look like:
- Staying in a job we don’t love
- Not speaking up when we’re afraid (e.g. when a boss disrespects us or we don’t say what needs to be said in order to be liked)
- Settling for a relationship that is just “ok” (at least (s)he doesn’t _____ [fill in comparison here])
Whereas it might be easier to analyze the logical pros and cons of the first two when dealing with financial or work situations, when it comes to weighing logic in emotional situations—like those in number two and three—our reasoning might fall short.
And that’s normal. After all, there’s no mathematical equation to help us solve these types of problems. While we may be able to understand that if we take X or Y action at work we might be fired or promoted, or invest in X or Y venture we might lose our investment or make a return, but we are bad at accurately gauging how we’ll feel in the future.
And those feelings are important.
We Settle to Avoid Pain
Many of us settle in order to avoid pain. We stay in a job that doesn’t fit us, don’t speak up, or settle for an ok relationship because we want to avoid the pain of being unemployed, having others dislike us, or feeling heartbreak.
But what about the pain inflicted when we settle? Would you rather feel small pangs every day you step into the office or come home to your partner? Would it be better if you just ripped off the band-aid?
Just because the pain of ripping off the band-aid feels unbearable doesn’t mean it will be unbearable. In fact, you will save yourself potential years of accumulated small pangs of pain by stepping into your truth and following your heart—and true purpose.
Not convinced yet? Think about it this way: Every year you spend in a job you don’t love, you’re missing out on a career that serves your true purpose. Every year you spend in a relationship that isn’t serving you, you’re missing out on being in a healthy partnership—and possibly the love of your life.
Choose Yourself First
Once we’re able to see the true cost and benefits of our emotional needs for what they are, we can finally build up confidence in ourselves and feel powerful enough to put ourselves first.
Prioritizing ourselves allows us to show up wholly for others and gives us clarity on where we want to put our energy. After all, we have very limited time in this life, so why spend it on anything other than pursuing what really matters to us?
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