In his book Tribes, Sebastian Junger describes the experience of many veterans and civilians who return from deployments only to deeply miss the experience of war. It talks about how decades before the American Revolution, Benjamin Franklin lamented that English settlers were constantly fleeing their communities to join Native American tribes—but Native Americans almost never did the same. Apparently, the tribal allure of these communities was strong even to outsiders.
The common thread here? Belonging. Therefore, the loss of closeness that comes at the end of deployment may be one explanation for the high rates of post-traumatic stress disorder military veterans suffer from today.
We have a strong instinct to belong to small groups defined by clear purpose and understanding. But these small, interconnected communities have been largely lost in modern society.
However, for families of influence, there is a built-in community. Those that gather around a business, a wealth creator, and are bonded by money that has often brought them together. But for many next-generation family members, they didn’t create the wealth and don’t always feel connected to the family purpose. Often, they have limited connections outside the family who “get them” or with whom they can discuss their problems—problems that often can be viewed as “privileged” or “frivolous.”
Common Questions from Wealth Inheritors
Here are some questions we hear from our clients all the time:
I was born to a wealthy family. I didn’t earn my birth right, it was just assigned to me like my hair color and height. With wealth comes privilege and responsibility—and sometimes fear.
Who am I outside of this money that I did not earn?
How do I use my privilege for a higher purpose?
Who am I to raise my hand or raise my voice?
What can I possibly contribute?
The weight of these questions can be so heavy they make it hard to breathe or move. And without someone to discuss, share, and connect with over similar issues, we end up with feelings of isolation, confusion, and loneliness.
The benefits of belonging are: connection, community, and being seen. Basically, we are wired for belonging in our DNA; this is one reason why things such as solitary confinement are so unnerving to humans. As mammals, we are programmed to be with others; when this isn’t available, our brains don’t know how to cope.
How to Create Belonging
- Surround yourself with the “right” people: If you don’t have a solid circle (people that both love you as you are, as well as those who motivate and push you to stretch), you won’t have the right support. The wrong circle is draining, distracting and can worsen your self-worth.
- Find a community of like-minded people: This doesn’t mean people who are just like you, it could mean expanding your circle to include those that don’t look or think the same as you. Join a next-gen group and/or ask your advisors for connections.
- Recognize that you haven’t practiced true authenticity: Especially If you’ve spent your life hiding a part of your identity. You don’t have to share with everyone in your life. However, you will feel more belonging if you share with someone you trust.
- Open up to your family: But also find trusted and valued outsiders—people who don’t have a conflict of interest—that you can take some of your more pressing family obstacles to in order to get perspective and input from outside eyes.
- Remember that belonging starts with vulnerability: You have to be willing to share to create connection. It doesn’t have to be your money, religion, politics or anything superficial; think more along the lines of your desires, struggles, and hopes for your life.
Above all, it’s important that you find your people and let them see you; it’s time to uplevel your circle.
Want an introduction to someone who might *get you*? Click here and we’ll connect you to someone in our network.