Dear inheritors: If you’ve grown up in a family where your family is the major employer of the town, your name is on a building, or you fly private, but you live day-to-day in the dark knowing little to nothing about your family’s wealth situation or what your responsibilities will be in the future…you might find yourself confused and unsure about how to integrate this taboo family wealth into your own life.
You may also recognize that these problems are quite privileged ones to have, and that only makes your circumstance more challenging to deal with; who are you supposed to talk to? You can’t talk to your friends about most of it, because they just won’t really get it. You can sometimes talk to your family, but you don’t want to seem entitled and/or demanding.
We work with inheritors like you all the time, and this is what we want you to know.
1. You are not alone.
While your situation may feel unique, we promise you there are others out there that have similar circumstances and will “get you.” (Let us connect you.)
2. Your problems and anxieties are real.
Just because you have money doesn’t mean you don’t have challenges. You don’t have to stuff them down just because they aren’t like everyone else’s; find trusted people to share them with.
3. It can be very confusing and uncomfortable and/or unclear.
When you get messages of faux poverty and luxury it can be confusing about what the real story is. Also when those around you (family/advisors etc) keep secrets or tell you to “don’t ask questions”, or “don’t plan on anything, but you’ll have responsibilities”, or “wait your turn and be grateful” it creates discomfort and ambiguity, with a side dose of shame and guilt.
4. You don’t have to follow in your parents footsteps (to be successful).
It may feel like you will never live up to your family’s expectations or there is only one path that will be acceptable.
5. You need to find your purpose.
Purpose is life giving, and without it you will struggle to find where you fit in.
6. Your voice is important.
You may not always get a vote in your family, but developing your authentic voice will be critical to building resilience, confidence, and worthiness.
7. Give yourself permission to fail, learn, and try again.
Failure can loom large, particularly with so much to live up to. Find a space to develop your own path where you have the permission to try and learn from setbacks. (Not sure where to try, reach out, we have some ideas for you!).
8. Build trust with those who’ve earned it.
You don’t have to feel guilty, unworthy or ashamed. Also, not everyone deserves your vulnerability and trust.
9. Stepping out or away from the family is helpful to get a new perspective.
Work outside the family, volunteer in a new area, and find a way to get a perspective that you might not see from your current vantage point.
10. Whether you want to be in the family enterprise or not, it’s ok.
Remember to look at what you really want, and separate that from what your family wants for you. You get to have a voice in what roles you take on and what career path you choose.
Your origin story is important, but it’s just the beginning. You get to create your middle and ending: What do you believe? How do you want to learn, share, and inspire others? Maybe it’s a cause (climate change, refugees, endangered animals), maybe it’s a passion (gaming, puzzles, horseback riding), maybe it’s an industry (real estate, medical devices), or perhaps it’s a spiritual practice. Your responsibility is to find what lights you up and pursue it, to discover your community and build connection and trust—to remember that you’re not alone.
If you want to join us in this community and connect with likeminded inheritors, develop leadership tools, and be in a safe space to develop your authentic voice where you can learn, try and fail, check out our community-based program for wealth inheritors.