This is a guest post by Tsi Tsi Mutendi, Co-Founder of African Family Firms, Family Business Advisor, Family Office Consultant, and an expert in Family Governance.
2020 was a challenging year. More so for women in Family Business and Family Offices. Women found themselves having to keep afloat in the midst of a global pandemic whilst also showing up for everyone as Chief Emotional Officers.
Despite this sometimes overwhelming burden, 2020 is the year women showed up as they were and did the work. On top of that, they came out showing their strength and ability to be capable leaders during crisis. As shown with the nations who were being led by women and the companies who had women at the helm, once in the midst of crisis, women remained calm, level-headed, and put the utmost best into steering the ship the best way they knew how.
But a key question here is, have women been able to show up for themselves?
Are We Showing Up for Ourselves?
It’s easy to get caught up in being strong for other people and being a support and focus for others; but have you been that for yourself? Last month, we saw tennis superstar Naomi Osaka walk away from the French Open to prioritize her mental health. The world was shocked and many had their opinions, but she stood her ground. What did this mean? It meant that she made it ok for women to say “No thank you, I need to take care of myself.”
Why is it so hard for women to to this? From a young age, women are taught to multitask. We play many roles without even thinking twice; we become the centrepieces of those around us, providing them with the nurturing they need. However, when it comes time to take care of ourselves, we put that on the back burner and keep going—even when our energy levels are depleted and we can no longer give. This is definitely not healthy. As Ms Osaka described in her Instagram post, she loved the game of tennis, but the pressure that came with being in the public eye was overwhelming for her.
Dealing with Imposter Syndrome
Women consistently have to deal with imposter syndrome because we are not wired for success like men are. As women, our role has always been seen as homemaking, and that was made to sound like it’s simple. However, any woman who has ever ran a home and raised children will tell you that is far from the truth.
The roles women play are some of the most high pressure and critical roles that require a skill set that is not taught in university, but from experience. As we have stepped outside the home into other spaces, we have found that women have been benchmarked by the performance of men. And this has put a huge strain on women because at many pivotal moments, we were grasped by fear and thinking we were not strong enough.
It may seem like a ridiculous notion, but an internal report by Hewlett-Packard several years ago stated that “Women only apply for jobs when they are 100 percent qualified. Men, on the other hand, tend to apply when they are only 60 percent qualified.” This shows us that women go through many psychological road blocks and sometimes fail to express the trauma they are facing.
3 Tips to Serve Women in Family Business
How can we change this as women in family business? Here are three tips I believe would serve us well.
1. Show up as yourself.
Stop allowing the voice in your head to keep on telling you that it is not possible and you need to be more of something you are not. You are unique, and that uniqueness is what got you to the table. It is what created the opportunity, so embrace your abilities. Remember that flaw-some is awesome.
2. Failure is the best thing.
Failure means you have tried. Having tried means that you now know better what works and what doesn’t work. The more you fail, the more you learn and the closer you are to success. Babies do not stop trying to stand and walk because they fall flat on their faces. No, they keep getting up and each time are stronger and more determined. Let this be you.
3. No. Learn to say no.
Saying no does not make you a bad person, nor does it symbolize the end of the world. No just simply means, at this moment, I cannot and will not. It’s not rejection, neither is it a rebuke. It just means at that point you cannot and you have to remain true to your capabilities, and you can and will say yes when you are in a space that aligns with you.
4. Be ok with saying, “I need a break” or “I need to self-care” and do exactly that.
Although this example is overused, it is true. When we get safety instructions on a flight, they instruct you to make sure you are sorted before attempting to help others. Now as women, we all know this goes against our nature. This is why it’s important to repeat it. You cannot pour into someone else if you are on empty, and it’s ok to allow others to pour into you. At least once a week take an hour to just self-care, doing your favorite thing.
We are born leaders. Women, as I illustrated at the beginning, are raised to multitask. We organize and facilitate. And no matter where we bring this skill, we do it effortlessly. Stop thinking of yourself as anything less than a leader and repeat steps one through four, knowing that you are incredible.