Hands up if you work with someone who loves to hear themselves speak?
Even if they mean well and what they say has value (and from where they stand, it totally does), it can often feel like what YOU have to say isn’t as valuable because they’ve already sucked up all the space for themselves.
TBH that person could be me. It could be anybody because listening is HARD.
As professional leadership coaches, we literally earn our living by sharing our knowledge and advice. But our goal is to spend the least amount of time talking so we can listen and really hear what our clients are experiencing.
If you’ve been following us for a while, you know how much we value clarity. And honestly, you cannot have clarity if you don’t listen.
Here are five things a good listener does and how you can strive to become a better listener in order to become a better leader.
5 Things Good Listeners Do
1. They listen to understand, not to reply.
Good listeners put understanding the speaker first and foremost. They listen to understand, not simply to reply. In this way, you’re better able to put yourself in the speaker’s shoes and truly get a sense of where that person is speaking from.
2. They repeat back what they’ve heard.
Repeating back what you’ve heard to the speaker is a key tenet of active listening. If the speaker agrees that what you heard is what they intended to say, you can continue. If not, the speaker has a chance to reword their statement until you, the listener, really does understand the point or argument the speaker is trying to make.
3. They ask great follow-up questions before sharing their own opinion.
Follow-up questions make the speaker feel seen, heard, and understood. By asking relevant follow-up questions, the speaker will see that you didn’t just listen, you listened thoughtfully, have carefully considered what they said, and would like additional and/or clarifying information.
4. They are attentive and put down distractions.
No one likes to feel like they’re competing with Instagram when they’re talking. Good listeners make sure their environment is distraction-free, whether that means silencing their phones, closing their laptops, or finishing up a snack before getting into listening mode.
5. They wait until the other person has finished speaking.
This one may be the most difficult. After all, how many times have you started replying before realizing the person wasn’t finished? Big hands up over here! To truly be a good listener, you need to wait for a moment at the end of the speaker’s sentence before formulating a reply. This will ensure you have all the information the speaker wants you to have before diving in.
If these things come easily to you, high-five! The world could use more people like you.
If it’s something you struggle with, double high-five because that shows you’ve reflected on this enough to identify it’s something you have room to work on. After all, inspiring others around you happens when you get clear about your strengths, values, and weaknesses as a leader.